One of the primary goals of a divorce is being able to end the relationship you have with the other party. While this can happen seamlessly in some cases, it won’t likely happen when you share children with each other.
Parents will still have to deal with each other as long as the children are minors. Even when they become adults, you might come into contact with your ex on special occasions, such as marriages or graduations. It is imperative that you don’t fall for some common misconceptions related to divorce when you have children.
Contact with your ex
There are many times when you might have to speak to your ex or attend the same events. You should set clear standards. It is a good idea to put these into the parenting plan. At a minimum, you should require that the adults show respect to each other. There should also be a plan to deal with other adults who are with your or your ex and opt to be disrespectful.
Helping your children
Your children will likely turn to you for help with adjusting to the situation. This can put you in a precarious position if the matter at hand has to do with your ex. It might help you to keep things in perspective if you remember that just because your ex wasn’t a good spouse doesn’t mean that they are a bad parent. Try to encourage your kids to build a meaningful relationship with their mom or dad. Helping them to see the good points about them can be beneficial for this goal.
Keeping your cool
On top of the mutual standards you set in the parenting plan, you should set your own for yourself. This can include things like taking a deep breath and walking away if your ex tries to get under your skin. You can’t make decisions that are in the child’s best interests if you’re too upset to think clearly. Taking the time to cool down can also provide you with time to consider the options and determine how to handle the situation.
You and your ex will have to try to work through a variety of situations over the child’s life. Establishing a positive parenting relationship now can help. Remember that your child’s best interests are always the primary focus of every decision you make.