When you have children with your ex, you will have to communicate on a regular basis with them regarding the kids. It is important that you take steps to keep this civil. Being able to discuss simple matters without strife can vastly improve the parenting relationship. The civility might carry over into times when you have to discuss contentious matters.
One of the most important things you can do is to think about how your words and tone of voice might be perceived. Even if you don’t mean any harm by what you are saying, there is a chance that it might be taken in the wrong way. By carefully choosing your words and paying attention to how you are speaking, you might be able to head off issues before they start.
Another way you can boost the civility of the communication is to bring things up at an appropriate time. Trying to push your ex to make a decision about a major point in the child’s life isn’t a good idea. It also isn’t a good idea to bring up important matters when the kids are around or there are distractions. Anything that requires thought or that might be contentious should be addressed in private and when there is time to discuss things without interruptions.
You also need to ensure that you aren’t being negative or demeaning. Don’t speak badly about your ex, even if you aren’t getting along. You should certainly never let your children hear you say bad things about your ex. Instead, look for the positive side of situations and focus on those. As long as the children are safe and healthy, there isn’t any reason to nitpick your ex.
These guidelines for civil communication can be put into the custody agreement. Having them in writing sets a clear expectation for what is going to happen.