You and your ex need to communicate directly with each other about child custody matters. This can be through the use of verbal, written or electronic communication. There might be times when you need to have assistance to get the communication moving forward, but you have to do this effectively.
One thing that you should never do is to use the children as messengers. They shouldn’t be privy to many of these adult matters, and they don’t need to have the responsibility of ensuring that messages are passed along correctly. When parents ask them to relay messages, they might feel as though they have to choose a side.
Many parents don’t realize that everything they say or do around their children can impact them. For this reason, you shouldn’t try to use your child to find out what’s going on at your ex’s house. Instead, listen to what they want to share with you and leave it alone.
When your child does share things about your ex’s home with you, refrain from judging. Your children just want you to share in their experiences. Don’t speak ill of your ex or the way they parent. If there is a serious issue, you can always take it up directly with your ex.
You do have the option of using a neutral third party to facilitate communication between you and your ex. This is often a last resort for parents because it takes longer to discuss things and there is a chance of things being misconstrued. Ideally, your parenting plan will have the preferred methods of communication clearly detailed.